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I was so ecstatic when I received the email from Rommel asking if I could take some pictures of his wife and their first baby bump. I replied that I hope it is not a spam mail or a bad joke, cause I am beyond excited! Malain ko kung joke!
Doing the pregnancy shoot with the Malinao's reminded me of my own relationship with my mom. It hadn't been all roses and happy girly moments, it was trying and tiring. Unlike most who worship their moms, I was a true blue papa's girl. Still is and proudly so.
Me and my mom had our own set of differences. Hard ones. Trying ones. The type that took years to brew. I built walls so high that it scares even me. I did not bother to build bridges. I burn them. For me, with her gone are the days of doing braids and walking on her heels. I aged 10 years emotionally. I was unforgiving, and worst than being angry, I became numb.
I chose not to correct whatever was wrong, whatever went wrong between us. Whatever was wrong in my heart I just let it be. Maybe it was pride, maybe I was just hurt too much, maybe someone I deeply love was hurt too much. My reasons run so deep and painful, I don't even want to remember them.
But God is a God of many chances, a sweet God of gentle corrections. And sometimes you don't have to say you're sorry just to show that you are. Cause as much as I need to forgive, I too needed forgiveness. I carry my own weight of the load.
I chose to forgive and I was forgiven.
No forcing. It was just one of those things that fall into their right place. And it took it's sweet time fitting right into that place in my heart that I chose not to pay attention to. I know it was no longer my own strength or my own heart. God knows exactly what needed fixing, and it is only His hands who can sew the pieces back together. Usually my hands just get in the way and I might mess it all up even more.
Yet I know right then that I was forgiven a long long time ago. Long before there were cracks on the wall, long before my heart started forgetting, I was forgiven. Maybe I did not caused whatever went wrong, but somewhere along the way I did things, thought of and said things that only fan the flame.
All the more reason I believe that Mothers are heroes. They can forgive in a heartbeat and love you for a lifetime.
As for me and my mom, it's like she gave birth to me twice, and I add that to our growing set of miracles.
Love you Ma :)
To all moms out there, soon to be moms, wanna be moms... you are all Super!
(i am in the wanna be mom, later kay soon to be mom, then finally I will be a mom!)
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In the photo are Rommel and Kayle, with their first baby!. Kayle is a very pretty preggy :) Thank you both **heart**
6 ~*~ Blown Kisses ~*~:
i can relate to this entry so much. you put the words to the emotions so perfectly.
oh, thank God for forgiving moms.
as in pasok na pasok kaayo ni sa akong mom story pud.i wonder what my mom will say when she meets your mom. mag appear tingali. =)
This is a very heartwarming entry, Dee! You write very well. Kahilakon ko nagbasa. And I miss my mom too!
Konsuy :
i can relate to this entry so much. you put the words to the emotions so perfectly.
oh, thank God for forgiving moms.
as in pasok na pasok kaayo ni sa akong mom story pud.i wonder what my mom will say when she meets your mom. mag appear tingali. =)
Oh Chi ... I felt really good after writing this entry. It's different putting into words things that's been bottled up for awhile, it felt liberating and REAL.
Thank you friendship
Liza :
This is a very heartwarming entry, Dee! You write very well. Kahilakon ko nagbasa. And I miss my mom too!
Medyo kahilak sad ko ani pagsulat Liz ahaha... Thank you. You are a super mom!
this post about your mother opens a lot of little secret compartments in my heart, dee. as i am about to embark on my own journey to motherhood, i pray and hope that i do right by my child. thanks for showing a side to parenthood that may not always be pleasant at first, but turns into a happy ending. :-)
Hi Jops, it took me a long time writing this post. Yes just like you there are certain things i keep very much hidden somewhere inside my little pockets. I don't think anything is ever really THAT easy, but if you got love as a driving force it can be the most rewarding thing ever.
I have no doubt, even a little, of how good of a mom you will be. You have given me, us , a glimpse of your soul and only a beautiful person can reflect such thoughts.
By the time it's my turn to be mom, I add you to those I can run to if I am in doubt.
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